This is the result of a Therapeutic Abortion.  Enjoy Xanga...

Power of the human mind

Just one second, one moment is all it takes to make a decision. And that decision could have the potential to alter the course of history.   This is the power of the human mind. One moment could change your life for all eternity.   One thought could change the world.

VEDERA!

You can Breathe but the air is running out...

Please Don't go

I really abhor it when all some people post is self pity party blogs all the time.  Life is unfair and rough. Get Over It.   But I don't know lately my life has seemed to hit a low rut.  Granted, things have been going downhill for a while. But there were always small things along the way that made it ok and seemed to make up for the monotony daily drudge.  I've been trying real hard to see the silver lining in my days.  I know it's not about me and I should be focusing on others. But this morning I didn't want to get up. Like really just felt no significant reason to crawl out from under those protecting covers. They shielded me from a cold, hard world that really doesn't care.  It seemed so much had gone wrong.  My home loan was delayed for something that wasn't my fault and I had no knowledge of. My department at work is in shambles and none of the people who work in my department seem to care or even want to get things back to shape.

  Tomorrow is Saturday. My weekend off.  But I honestly wish I was working. At least that would give me something to do. I've tried asking some people if they want to do something with me.  But everyone seems to have plans already.  Maybe I'm just tired. Tired of always being the one to reach out. Tired of always being the one to make the effort. For just once can't someone call me and say, "Crystal, you are my Friend, I want to spend the day with you."    I know, I'm a selfish brat.   I used to have a lot of long distance friends. But I got tired of always being the one to send the cards, the emails, the phone calls.  Yeah they were always responded to. But I wish that just once someone would reach out first.  But that's what happens when you are invisible. Or lost in the crowd.  "One of them."   So I let them go. One by one they faded away and slipped from my reach. I wish them well.  Sometimes I wonder what they are up to. How they are. Do they wonder the same about me?

   And now it feels like I am losing those around me.  It just takes too much effort to reach out anymore. To always be the one that keeps the relationship going.  I'm too worn out.

But I'm just too afraid to lose you to let go.  Please don't leave me.

It's like I said. Life is unfair and rough. Get Over It.   But Please.......Don't leave me alone.